PlazaJen: Passion Knit

So, I was hand-wringing and worrying and making myself nauseous over my little Devil Duckies and Cutie Monsters that had gone off to The Loopy Ewe as DPN holders, hoping fervently that they'd eventually go on to sock knitters everywhere. Mostly because of that last part, "going off to other knitters", because WHAT IF NOBODY BUYS THEM.

I even posted as much (more diplomatically and hopefully exuding a :little: less angst) in the Loopy Ewe group on Ravelry, and some kind soul pointed out there were only 6 left. Out of 40. In one day. There are only 3 left today. Day two.

Uh, ok.

I let myself spend five minutes worrying that people are going to hate them when they get them. And then I slapped myself. And ordered some more ducks.

YAY!

Labels: I'm Crazy, knitting

Wowza, what a weekend!

Saturday was the Sunflower Knitting Guild's Kansas yarn crawl. Laura volunteered to drive us, and Carmen, Jen & I gallivanted together. Carmen is the (self-proclaimed) Ghetto GPS, and at some point, I had to point out she didn't have an "off" button. She retorted it done broke off and you gotta get the pliers out if you wanna change it! Well served comeback, my friend. There was a lot of laughing, needless to say, in between our shopping.

We went to Knit Wit, where I bought two skeins of beyootiful laceweight yarn. (You get so much yarn for the moneh, oo oo, oo ooo) It's in BlueBlood Red.


Then we went to the Needle Nest, and I didn't find any yarn there that had to come home with me. I picked up a couple of Amy Butler patterns, and admired some fabric, but it was getting pretty crowded inside, I was starting to overheat and it seemed like a good idea to get outside and out of the way. Laura took this pic of us under the vine-covered arbor in front of the shop:

(Nobody was outside with us, so we couldn't get a foursome shot. And my picture? Did not turn out. My little Kodak gets fussy if you don't let it whir and think for at least 15 seconds after you take a picture. Grrrr. But, at least the Canon behaves & all the rest of the pics were taken with that.)

Back to the narration! After Louisburg, we zipped off to Lawrence, and were 45 minutes early for our visit to Tracy Bunker's studio, so we trekked over to the DQ, and had us a snack. I love the DQ. We arrived back at her studio at the same time everyone else on the crawl got there, so we all descended at once. I bought some Rayon Ruffles in Dragonfly - the colors are atypical for me, and it was really reasonably priced. The only downside is that I noticed her sweet dog Ruby had a bunch of little black bugs on her tummy, so I'm quarantining the yarn until I'm sure I didn't bring home anything unwanted visitors for our dogs. (We use Advantix on them, but still. It's a battle I don't need!)



The last stop was the Lawrence mecca, The Yarn Barn. I wasn't going to get anything, actually, until I saw a shop sample of a cute cotton tote bag. They didn't have the pattern, but I got some cotton yarn, and it's a crochet pattern, so I figure, why not, I can single stitch crochet like a mad woman, maybe I could crank something out super fast?! Who knows. It looked like a relatively simple shell stitch, and it's for their learn-to-crochet class. Famous last words, I know - but it shouldn't be :that: hard?



We went back to our carpool meet-up spot, and then Carmen and I went on to Joann's, because I had to get more candy melts for the next day's activity! Yup. We had a Ravelry meet-up at The Studio, Sunday afternoon. And because cupcakes are practically the official dessert of Ravelry, we had a cupcake contest. Boy, did we get a lot of cupcakes! It was awesome! Mine were simple - white cake, chocolate frosting, edible glitter, and then the toppers were the Studio's daisy, made out of colored candy. I was inspired!





Then, since I was on a roll with the candy-making, I made dipped and molded pretzels as well. (Those did not go to the event. The Wo loves 'em.)


We had a GREAT turnout, with around 45 knitters & crocheters & spinners showing up!

It was a sunny day, and everyone pretty much clung to the shade.




There were all sorts of cupcakes:


My cupcakes won for Manager's Choice, and I got a fabulous "Ripped" shot glass. I also won a Studio goody sack, and then my name got drawn AGAIN, but they picked another person, because seriously, it would have looked rigged at that point. (It wasn't! I swear!)

The best part about yesterday is this:



We got an entire table full of food donations for Harvesters. Knitters are good, generous folks! And they can bake like fiends, too....

Now I need a weekend, to recover from my weekend. Oh, and I'd be remiss if I didn't give a posthumous shout-out to George Carlin. He was just here a minute ago! Man, what a funny, funny dude. He will be missed, and I can only aspire to swear as much as he did.

Labels: cooking, friends, I'm Crazy, knitting

I am sure this is one of those statements that doesn't even really need to be MADE. But I had a rough night last night, waking myself up with a surge of acid in the back of my throat, and I didn't sleep well after that point. I haven't had that much stress, but as I lay in bed last night, wondering why I felt SO out of sorts, I realized that I've been ignoring, to some extent, that next Tuesday is the two-year anniversary of my father's death, and that I've made my brain separate onto two planes, of sorts. I have the bulk of my brain set on "good times!" and living in the now, and being in relatively good spirits. And I think that big chunk of brain is set on "put the hammer down" on the other plane as a preventative measure, because I want to be progressing, moving forward, being happy, and I am acutely aware that June 10th is coming, not to mention the wincing at all the Father's Day crap bombarding all of us.

So the lower, squashed plane of my brain is getting back at me in oblique, under-handed ways. Like trying to drown me in stomach acid, or giving me insane, bizarre dreams that stay with me long past the alarm has me up and moving around. I felt like I have been in a stupor for a good 10-15 minutes every morning, trying to shake off the dream memories from the night, sorting out what is and isn't reality, like picking cobwebs out your hair.

Last night? I dreamed my co-workers and I were driving around town. In the Murano, of course, and I was driving. But even though it was Kansas City, it was very, very dangerous. And as we went through an intersection, an oncoming car - like an old Nissan Sentra - passed us going the other direction, and the driver was a crazy terrorist, and he brandished a baby-blue AK-47 at us, and his AK-47 had all kinds of floral stickers all over it. Kind of the "Hello Kitty" version of weaponry.

I went into a RAGE. Because I had MY AK-47, and that fucker wasn't going to threaten me with his flowery gun, mine was black and all badass. And my co-workers were kind of freaking out, but they all got out their guns, too, and we went driving through a cul-de-sac Johnson-County-esque neighborhood, shooting at the windows of the houses, just to prove we weren't powerless.

Someone might have a control issue or three, ya think? I've decided my new solution, when faced with situations I can't control, is to shout, "I'm Right!" at the top of my lungs in the car. It at least makes me laugh and stops some of the obsessing. Plus, it's far less dangerous than brandishing weaponry.

Labels: I'm Crazy

No, our neighbors are not the teasing sort.

I am giddy right now, with antici-pation and delight over a small side project I've been working on, but in the interest of NOT having ebullient vomit all over my face, I'm going to wait until I'm further along. In the meantime, allow me a few random "YIPPEE!"s and "SQUEEEE!"s and "HOTDAMN!"s.

Now, in my last post, I talked about the weekend. Not everything from the weekend, certainly, but I forgot to talk about SCIENCE. We were awakened in the wee hours one morning by a thunderstorm rolling through. To be technically accurate, James was already awake; I flailed myself awake out of fear as a huge thunderclap echoed above the house. He patted me on the shoulder to reassure me, since I was in a panic. After I stammered some "Ohmahgod, ohmah, ohsolouds" out, he said, "Do you know what these storms make me think of?" And in my bleary brain, I couldn't think of anything, so I grunted some sort of "no", and he (rather excitedly) said, "NITROGEN CYCLE!"

I burst out laughing. And said something to the effect of, had you asked me to list FIFTY things, I would never have arrived at that. So there you have it. Lightning returns Nitrogen to the earth, and it's a good thing, and it's why everything is so green after a mongo thunderstorm.

Now let's move on to the neighbors, and how science meets them. Two Fridays ago, our neighbor left their dog out in the yard, all night long. (Can you hear Lionel Richie singing? I can. All niiiight, all niiiiight.) And what did their dog do? He barked. All night long (all niiiiight, all niiiiight.) We both hardly slept, and it was dreadful. Needless to say, no dancin' on the ceilin'. So JWo got a Super Bark Free on eBay, and admittedly, I was skeptical, because "Ultrasonic" could very well mean "Ha Ha You Stupid, You Buy Anything, Including This Plastic Box Shaped Like Horn". (Oh, in searching for the one we got, I found this awesome photo, NOT of the one we got, but I love it. This model turns ferocious, wicious dobermans into happy little pets that won't bite your face off!)

Anyway, it arrived this weekend, and it has two options - you can select "ultrasonic" or "beep". Judging from the reaction of our dogs, the beep definitely was effective - they all hunched down and looked very worried. But how do you know for sure if the ultrasonic setting is working? Well, it was as though Science was on our side. James got it set up, pointing right at the area between our houses where this dog likes to sit and bark? And as he started to walk away, their dog came running up to the fence, and got out one huge bark, and then hunched down and was silent. SWEETNESS! And no more ruined nights of sleep. God bless the Super Bark Stop and the Ultrasonic Waves.

Now, there's one other neighbor story - the wack lady across the street, remember her? Crazy cat lady, got the hose-turned-on-her lady, came over in the middle of the night for James to dial 911? (She CRAZY.) Anyway, she now seems to have two men living with her. And their form of entertainment is to open up the trunk of the sedan, and sit in white plastic lawn chairs while staring at the car. Not really sure what that's all about? But I really don't want to pause and invite any conversation. I can't tell if ultrasonic sound waves would work on them, but I doubt it, since they all seem to be under the influence of something, all the time. Guess that leaves us with the hose. Or me emitting a really high-pitched beep if they approach me.

It might go something like, "SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!"

Labels: I'm Crazy

OK, between the astronomical amounts of pollen in the air, and the spectacularly loud hailstorm/thunderstorm/lightening storm last night, I am starting to feel a little mad. Not as in angry, but mad as in "going straight off my rocker and into the deep end of the pool."

I even had to get up mid-storm & put on an eye mask, that's how bright the storm got. Made things glow red behind my tightly shut lids, and I was raspy-snore-breathing because all of my sinuses and eyes felt like they'd been injected with some sort of Hollywood starlet puffy-making thing that would normally go in your lips to plump them, but instead, wound up in the wrong spots. Painful, irritating, sleep-depriving stuff. Oh, and I'm still gimping a bit. Yay! I'm definitely sore and all the rest of the atypically-used muscles are PISSED they have to step up and do more than usual.

Let's see. So. I'm just going to wing the rest of the day. I'm as about as reliable and even-tempered as a hungry, angry goat, which is probably a good indication that Popcorn Does Not A Lunch Make, and I need to get on the stick and get some stuff done tonight. This? This is the worst blog entry ever. Just to make it a skosh better, and to let you see the side of me that loves to post over on Lazy Stupid & Godless (on Ravelry, where we are neither Lazy, nor Stupid, but some are, surely, Godless): I did post something yesterday about the big drama with the FLDS in Texas - and while many were getting a bit wound up about the abuse, and the wrongness of it all, and don't get me wrong, I agree, I just wanted to make one salient point. Couldn't they spring for another dress pattern? For the love of their holy underwear, could we get another style or two into the rotation?

I'm done. Fried, toasted, and fricasseed. My apologies to the chef & the readers.

Labels: I'm Crazy

No, but I did fall down again.

Yep.

Fell down again. So we had the first incident on Tuesday evening. Then, on Thursday evening, I let the (very soaking wet) dogs in, and while they danced off their muddy paws in the entryway, they still carried some drippage in on their coats. (This is foreshadowing!) I was sitting down to eat some stir-fry & realized I'd forgotten to put the little packet of cashews on top, and who doesn't love a nice cashew crunch, well, if you're allergic maybe, but I'm not, so I toodle back in to the kitchen & cut the top off the package & stump my way back. Wearing Crocs. (Have you worn Crocs? So comfy. But sadly, the equivalent of ice skates when worn on wet tile.) I hit a wet tile - with my good left foot. Which went shooting out to the side. Leaving me to balance on the bad foot, and I'd :just: taken the splint off to air my ankle out. It was like the Balance Gnomes freaked out, and all the other gnomes just looked at 'em like, "Dudes. You crazy." I didn't even bother to fight this fall. I went straight down (face first!) and caught myself with my knees (ow) and my palms (ow, ow.) And spilled a few cashews, too. So now I'm flat out, face down (prone) (opposed to supine, which is flat out face up), with the wind almost knocked out of me, and I'm surrounded by wet smelly dogs eagerly trying to find every nut that was knocked loose.

Fighting the fall is where more injury happens, I do believe. The fact that I realized in that split second that there was nothing my bad foot could do but get hurt more, probably worked in my favor. I did, however, bruise my ribcage sufficiently - every laugh for a couple of days came with a wince & a twinge. I still get worn out from the gimping, because I'm using all sorts of new muscles to compensate for the sprain, but it's nice to be on the mend, and not have any bones protruding through my skin. It's important to always be grateful, peeps.

I'm happy to report that this blogger has been accident-free for 3.5 days! Woo hoo! However, hard hats & knee pads are strongly encouraged.

Oh, and ETA: P.S., No earthquake jokes, dudes. I may have created some movement on my own Richter scale, but I'm too far away from the epicenter to be the cause. Bitches. Beat you to it!

Labels: I'm Crazy

We had a productive weekend - Friday night, we attended the BotaB3 - Battle of the Ad Bands, 3 - downtown, along with the pre-party that included unlimited beverages, pizza, and Guitar Hero. I did pretty well, though it's really unnerving to do something familiar (play GH3) while a lot of people are watching you and the photographer is snapping 800 pictures of you.

As my co-worker (and bass player for our company band) put it, "Welcome to playing guitar in a band." DUR.

Their band is "Love Tusk" and they deliver on what they promise: To rock your face off. I haven't been so entertained since - I don't know when! And the three Bacardi & Diet Cokes helped make everything amusing. (James was driving.) Because I :did: need a laugh or six - it had been a pretty grueling day, and I had a joyous project awaiting me at home.

The project, you ask? Tripper diarrhea, everywhere in the big carpeted room downstairs. Oatmeal carpeting, if you're asking. Light. Not that I'd ignore dog poo and hope future guests would just ignore the lumps, but a darker-colored carpet would have certainly been less stressful. (It came with the house!)

I had gone downstairs Friday morning to grab something from the laundry room - of course, he followed, as it is against his religion to be separated from you if you leave the main floor, and in the two minutes I was down there, he had an Accident of Epic Proportions. Foulness. And I was already running late. So all I could do was fight my gag reflex and shrug - it's not like the poop was going to roll around by itself. Sigh.

So I bought myself a mack-daddy Bissell on Saturday at Target. I've always skimped in the past, gotten some smaller device that promised undeliverable miracles, and since the last device was stolen in the burglary, we'd never replaced it. It hadn't cleaned the stains anyway. Sigh. Little did I know. I had finally made the right move.

This machine not only got all the diarrhea stain out (and believe-you-me, I went into this project skeptical AND heavily armed: gloves, numerous plastic bags, paper towels). It also got out the 4-year old urine stain from when Polly had peed right in front of the door and we'd unsuccessfully tried to get it out. (We gave up and put a small entry rug over it.) So. I'm happy with it. I did about half the stairs going up to the second level, and I can't wait to tackle the other stains up there. Joy from a carpet cleaner, crazy, I know! I used their expensive Pet & Soil cleaner (I figured what the hell, at that point.) My brain had been thinking we'd have to pay someone professional to come in (and what a PITA that would be, not to mention, NOT CHEAP). So I still feel like it was all worth it. Not that I'm anxious to use it again on any poopy accidents! Bleah!

I also got a TON of DPN holders made this weekend (my lord, if you knitters are still reading me, what fortitude and patience and strong stomachs! Thank you!) and I'll get them up in my Etsy shop in the very near future. Yay! Now, I'm off to hang with the Sock Club ladies at The Studio, and I should stop singing out loud at my desk because, well, I am NOT ALONE here. Just further cementing everyone's unspoken opinion that I'm utterly crazy. But fun! Crazy and fun. Now, equipped with a mack-daddy cleaning device. And available as a groupie for the Love Tuskers when needed.

Labels: I'm Crazy

There's no way I can recap everything that's been going on. Suffice it to say that the highlight of my week has been hearing the story of a guy who left his personal copy of "Balls Deep" in his work laptop, unaware his computer was being taken by IT while he was being laid-off. (Said movie is not about soccer. Or volleyball.) That and the story of another person who was in a freak yachting accident in Venezuela that left her unable to walk, and they had to use a scissors-lift to help her board the plane & it got stuck. I haven't laughed so hard since I-don't-know-when.


We did discover that Tripper also is not a fan of Jane's Addiction. Specifically "Been Caught Stealin'" - the song starts with dogs barking, and he went all over the yard barking and looking for the interlopers. I missed it, because I was out drinking with a veritable gaggle of former co-workers, swapping war stories and laughing at other people's expense. (Isn't that the best currency?)

Oh - and file this under "Like I Needed More Stuff To Do" - I started making double-pointed needle holders. Mostly because I was going nuts with this tie I was knitting for James, and the stitches kept slipping off while I was toting the project around in my bag. Because things with me tend to take on levels of grand proportions, I suddenly found myself, mid-week, in the throes of mass-production. (They are simple to make? But they take time. And drilling. And patience!) Turns out, I'm on to something here, and I sold my first batch to The Studio. I'm going to make more, and depending on interest, put them on Etsy as well. I'll yammer about it more when the time comes! But they're super cute, and I'm calling my little bidness "Wants & Kneeds" (so don't steal the name, it's now under creative licensing copywrite, m0fos) They are "Quirky Panaceas for the Avid Knitter" and I have the line from my dad on the back: "It's better to have, than to want." It feels nice including him on it, in a funny way. And now we have two cottage industries running amok at our house - knitting stuffs and tomato and pepper plants!


TGIF! The weekend's always short, so have fun!!!

Labels: I'm Crazy

I've been thinking about those 100-things-memememememe thingies, and how I've never done one but what I might say if I did, and that led to me thinking about the Ways In Which I Am Different From Most, and while I know we all have a shared existence and our humanity knits us together, the fact that as a child, I picked out a retro toilet seat for our outhouse still pops up as one of those "Hey-O" yodeling-old-lady-waving-at-the-waitstaff sorta facts that makes me feel a little bit different, a little over on the fringe of the universe. Not that it's bad or wrong, of course. You, readers, you get "it". "It" being "me". You know things around here aren't always uniform, or even partially dressed. And yet, you still return. That's nice! I do try to be a good hostess, and one of the things I was instructed upon, early-on in life, was to never run out of food at a party. To me, it is the Cardinal Sin of Entertaining.

The other thing I was taught, at some point in my teens, was How To Avoid A Masher. That was exactly how my mom put it. And that I needed to learn it. NOW. We were visiting family friends, and I stood there with an utterly confused look on my face. I said, "What's a 'Masher'?" and our friend's husband said, "THIS!" and he grabbed me in a bear hug, bent me over backwards, and pretended to kiss me.

I almost peed my pants in terror. Mashers! Who knew! Where did they lurk? How surprised would they be if they dropped me? (How surprised would I be?) By the time I was back on my feet, blinking at everyone laughing, I realized that most Mashers would ultimately fall into the category of "People You Know." So it was in that small kitchen, I learned how to deftly and swiftly turn my cheek as pursed lips approached me, to kiss the air by the Masher's ear, and pull back, exclaiming in delight while fiercely creating distance between my face and the Masher's. Funny, the life lessons that stick with you. Admonishments to save money? Nah! But how to avoid sneak kissing attacks? Check! And, oddly enough, I recall that on that trip, I purchased an army green overall outfit, and a tan mesh cloth belt thingamajig, plus numerous pairs of delicious plastic earrings. It was, indeed, the 80's. Mashers and Madonna and Michael Jackson.

I also have thought about the Dichotomy of Me. For instance, I am unorganized, I have plenty of clutter, but god help everyone if one particular thing is "off". We were sitting in James' grandparents' living room this past weekend, and they have furniture and items that span the decades. In particular, a very large lamp, with an equally enormous lampshade, sits by one of the couches. James was seated by it, and I picked the recliner on the other side of the lamp. I noticed the lampshade was all akimbo, the bottom of it at a wonky angle to the horizontal plane of the end table. Immediately, I adjusted it back to level. We continued to watch this really cool show comparing Man to Apes, and I turned to say something to James, and noticed the shade was, once again, at a completely strange angle. Almost unconsciously, yet compulsively, I readjusted it and kept talking to him. A small gnome (one assigned to the OCD Task Force) in the back of my brain scribbled on a post-it: "Something wrong with lamp. Shade keeps tilting. May need further investigation."

A few minutes later, I turn back to talk to him and - yep - the lampshade was once again jacked up. Now I'm a bit exasperated, and as I frown and return the shade to parallel the floor, I start to mutter and curse, something about what the fuck is wrong with this lamp, I keep moving the shade and yet it keeps going back and, and my husband is looking at me and then bursts into laughter. Because, yes, of course. HE is tilting the lampshade every time I turn around. Because he knows I am obsessed, and will not let it go. Had he kept a straight face, it may have taken one more adjustment before I clued in to the fact he was messing with me. I gave him that - it was damn funny. (But I still fixed the shade, and it got left alone after that. Phew!)

So, even though I'm not ready for one of those big long lists of how we're all alike and how I'm different, these are the ones floating at the top today....

Labels: I'm Crazy

Don't get me wrong - I do love getting home in daylight, without the sun sinking into the west and shadows creeping in along the edges. I am just not enthralled with the whole "getting up" part that bookends the beginning of the day. And yesterday, I discovered we'd forgotten to adjust the clock on the thermostat, so no wonder it was freezing chilly cold when I got up! (And it's why I promptly went back to bed under warm covers.)

I have kitchen duty this week at work (which I only remembered today, so some kind soul did my work yesterday & this morning. The guilt!) and I follow the most fastidious man on the planet. I'm shocked he doesn't clean the kitchen with a toothbrush. He actually dries all the bottoms of the coffee mugs as he moves them from the dishwasher to the cupboard. Dude takes his job seriously. At least the kitchen is spotless before I start my tour of duty....

And, in completely unrelated news (this is practically a Random Orts post but I'm not inclined to edit it...), the Wo and I got new phones when we renewed our contract with T-Mobile. The customer service person I talked to the other day almost got down on their knees and bowed through the phone, because we've been with them since 2000, and that's like, 50 years in phone years. We both got slider phones - mine's a RIZR and his is a Samsung somethin' or other, and now we both have the internets on our phones, and we're like a geriatric duo, figuring out how to browse while Mo-BILE. (not while driving, but just ON the mo-bile.) I'm struggling because Yahoo keeps coming up in GIANT FONTS! BIG LETTERS! Like it not only thinks I'm old, but I'm blind. No like. Don't care for the tiny keys and I'm not going to convert to texting anytime soon (We didn't get that package.) But it was fun to check my email while waiting for my lunch date to show up!

So much else going on - some bloggable, some not, one of my projects is hatching, and I'll show you sooooon. Promise!

P.S. I discovered today that the whole process of consuming Pez is much more straightforward if you rip open the entire paper container and eat them straight away, instead of installing them into the little plastic dispenser. I'm all about cutting out the plastic middleman and unnecessary steps.

Labels: I'm Crazy, random orts

Saturday night was the Kansas City Addy's - an award show for all the local agencies. This year's event was tremendously fun, especially compared to last year. The venue was great - Bartle Hall - and it was definitely more social. I ran into numerous former co-workers, and people I hadn't seen in years, met some new people and I am not kidding when I say half of these people complimented me on my eyeliner.

Yep. Eyeliner.
(see the sparkle?)

So, I'm almost 40, and I decided to glam it up a bit - the theme was James Bond/007, so I could get away with a little youthful dorkiness, right? I used some very sparkly dark purple glitter over my liquid eyeliner (have I lost my male readers yet?) and then She-Laq over it, so the glitter wasn't going anywhere. Seriously, glitter is the most fun, ever. It's even a really fun word to say.... glitter.... OK! Backing up though, before the event, and before the fourteen-mile walk to the event (hi, blisters), we had a small agency happy hour at a nearby hotel (if by "nearby" you mean "fourteen miles by walkway"), and that is where I discovered my new favorite drink: The Singapore Sling. Honestly, I picked it because the name is fun, and the first ingredient on the bar list was GIN. So few frou-frou cocktails use gin, most are vodka or rum based. When I ordered my :cough: third one (which was also my last), the bartender asked me if I enjoyed it. (Mistress of the Obvious! Yes!) She then when on to say it was a distinguished drink, with a distinctive taste, and not everyone cared for it. Boy howdy, use those words around me and I puff up like a pelican. They're so ... rarely used to describe me. Right up there with "Shy" and "Refined" and "Organized".

Anyhoo, now I want to make these myself, and I discovered this nice source online that seems to be The Authentic Version - now I have to figure out how to get a Benedictine Monk into a bottle, and where one buys the stuff, but I figure my local Gomer's would have it.

Oh, one last FYI about the glitter. It's a bitch to get off your eyelids with that She-Laq. Ah, the price of beauty and distinction.....


(With one photo, I provide evidence to the contrary.)

Labels: I'm Crazy

That would be shorthand for, "Thank The Freakin' Lord The Damned Writer's Strike Is Finally Over" Day.

This article on TV Guide is being continually updated as the networks release the schedules for new shows. Hopefully this will hasten the end to American Gladiators and So You Want To Marry A Millionaire Assmunch On National Television And Are Willing To Eat Bugs To Win kind of shows.

We've definitely been playing lots more Wii during the strike, and I must say, I brought this game home last night:



The animation is amazing. And I have not laughed that hard, for that long, since I can really remember. James pointed out that the games really don't involve much skill. Perhaps that is why I love them so. It's just stupid funny. It will be a great party game, watching four adults "wash clothes & hold them up to check if they're clean enough".... all the while the rabbids are making crazy noises and looking ridiculous. There was one game where you are in an Old West setting and doing a quick draw against a cowboy rabbid. OMG. I laughed so hard I threw James off his game, along with my own. It's not technically challenging or addicting the way Guitar Hero III is, but it definitely has its place! And yes, it does appear from that video box cover that it's rated for users three and older. I'm regressing. But I'm laughing the entire way there.

Labels: I'm Crazy

My morning commute took oh- about 40 minutes, when normally it runs anywhere from 15-25 minutes, depending on the time I leave. The main reason for today's slowdown, was, of course, the snow and then the nice sheet of frozen sleet under said snow. If anyone from KCMO Public Works is reading this blog, here's a heads-up: the intersection of Ward Parkway & 75th street? Specifically the parts of Ward Parkway, north-bound, but south of the intersection? NEED SAND. Bejowski. I've lived here 10 years. This intersection is on the gentlest of inclines, but because the incline is there, and it's well-traveled, most vehicles get stuck in their own ice, formed while waiting at the light. So two of the three lanes? NOT MOVING.

Then, I came in and followed up on a rep who wouldn't call us back. A co-worker had been calling for months, and finally flipped it to me, who also was unsuccessful, although I am excellent at persistence. Especially when you are irritating me. Persistence and tenacious. Like a ferret learning to eat live mice. (Sorry, there was an article on ferrets in today's paper. I had no idea. Also, if you're going to lead with the headline, "Ferrets! Just like kittens, all the time," you might want to re-think that whole paragraph that waxes on about food, specifically, "let's feed ferrets pinkies (baby mice) and work 'em up to live ones" because seriously? I lost all interest in having a ferret at that point.) Anyway, this ass munch finally got on the phone with me (after four phone calls, and two emails, in four days) and proceeded to be combative and angry and petulant and then he kinda hung up on me. It was actually mutual. Had I not hung up at that point, I might have said something like, "Sir? You work for the YELLOW PAGES. Do you have a backup plan? Your industry is DYING."

OK, and then let's talk about the sad lunch I had. So so sad. Instant grits. I think I prefer grits for breakfast. I did find a random bonus of parmesan cheese in the fridge at work (and uh, I might have swiped a tablespoon of someone's artificial buttery spread. But it expired yesterday, and there was a lot in there. So my guilt isn't as concentrated as it would have been if I'd say, taken a tablespoon of sweet cream butter that was fresh & marked as being owned.) Anyway, I had several notions of great lunches, but all of them required I leave the building in one form or another. 99% required driving, and after this morning's commute? Nope! Anyway, I finished lunch with some Thin Mints. Yep. Poster child for nutrition, riiiight here. Might explain why I feel a little queasy. That or it's the expired margarine.

Labels: I'm Crazy

I recently hosted a small figurine, in the shape of broccoli, at my home. Traveling Broccoli is his website, and you can see & read about all of his adventures. Bekah discovered he'd smuggled himself into her suitcase after a visit to relatives in Illinois, and since then, he's been on adventure after adventure! I've offered to have him back during warmer weather, because not only did he not get to see the great fountains of Kansas City, but he didn't get any barbecue.

He did get a horror show when he went into our freezer to have a little ice cream, though. Poor dude.



Thoughtless of me, really.

So I took him shopping, where I shop best - at The Studio, of course, and Broc really seemed to like the yarn:


I thought he was going to fall asleep in the cashmere bin....who wouldn't?



We've had some crazy weather here - yesterday brought us insane blowing snow, plummeting temperatures, slick roads & whatnot - so it's good that as Broc climbed back into his VIP Veggie Transporter (we don't tell him it's a USPS Priority Mail box), he had a whole ensemble to keep him snug and warm:



Um, yeah. I knit him a scarf, hat, mitties & socks. Out of Claudia HandPaint, leftover from my Chevron Scarf. For my knitters, who are shaking their heads right now and reminding me maybe this is why my Noro socks are taking so long, it was super quick & easy. OH? You want to knit some for your inanimate vegetables? Well, all I did was: 4-stitch I-cord for the mitts, 5-stitch I-cord for the socks, simple garter stitch lengthwise for the scarf, and a completely made-up pattern for his hat. Since I didn't do as many photo shoots as I wanted to, I felt the least I could do was get him some knitwear couture to have as a souvenir of his visit.

Where's Broc going next? Why, Mardis Gras, of course!!!!

Labels: friends, I'm Crazy, knitting

Yesterday evening, I decided to bake a pie. A strawberry-rhubarb pie. I had a recipe from Ye Olde Internet, and I quickly threw everything together. I followed the directions - I do not understand this brushing of the milk on the crust, it pooled and sat there through the entire process and grossed me out. But I did not follow the direction that said, "Put a baking sheet under the pie to catch the drips." Whatevs! The oven already had some pizza cheese burned on - what's a little extra pie, hm?

So I checked the pie at the lowest time allotment for baking - still not done. I took my pie crust ring off, so the whole thing would brown. Apparently (or at least this is the conclusion I've drawn) this is what started Pie Armageddon In The Oven. Suddenly the pie decides to leak. And when I checked it 10 minutes later, there were just a few little red drizzles, and I thought, "Well, hell, I should have done that baking-sheet-thing" and I put a piece of aluminum foil under said pie.

Roughly six minutes later, we were alerted to Pie Armageddon by the whooping of our smoke alarm. And not just any smoke alarm, but the one tied to our security system. So the whooping was also taking place on the outdoor siren (free! due to excellent negotiation skeelz). I ran to cancel it, meanwhile, James started opening windows and I dragged a fan around to start airing things out. The house phone rang - but nobody was on the line, I knew it had to be the alarm company, so I also got out my cell phone (second on the call list). As I looked up, I saw a white light sweep across the side yard.

Giant fucking fire truck. Less than 5 minutes, people. Can I tell you how AMAZED! and GUILTY! But still AMAZED! I was? Four (handsome, uniformed) firemen piled off the truck as I walked to greet them. (James? Inside fanning at the smoke alarm and canceling the alarm every time it went off.) They seemed a little disappointed, all this fuss over a pie, but then they smelled the burnt sugar carried on the wind behind me, and they knew I wasn't covering for a pyromaniac nephew living in the basement. One fireman offered a fan, to air out the house, and I was so dreadfully embarrassed, I declined.

James noted it would be nice if the police response time was as fast, maybe we wouldn't have lost all our stuff. He also went to the freezer to get out a large summer sausage that we'll be taking (along with some cheese) down to the fire station as a thank-you for the unbelievably fast response. Granted, the station is less than a mile away, but I was agog at how quickly they were there.

FWIW, the pie? Pretty good. But not worth all the ruckus! And next time? Baking sheet under said pie.

Labels: cooking, foibles, food, I'm Crazy

So..... after yesterday's post, an observation was made at how readily I'll just consume .....drugs. Even the wrong ones. Ayah. Well, I'll admit, perhaps there is an undue influence of Alice in Wonderland from my childhood going on.... and really, my only explanation at this point is that the month of December really, really sucked. And when you're caught in the undertow, a lot of automatic piloting takes over. (As opposed to Britney Spears, who does not go into the undertow, but skips right past it to Bar Thyself In A Bathroom And Get Put In Restraints.) I'm excited I figured it out relatively quickly (the horrid cold masked it for a couple weeks), and I'll be back to my version of normal soon!

Speaking of bipolar-ness and crazy, the weather here? Is nuts. I guess it's snowing right now. Yesterday and the day before were near 60 degrees. Lemme tell you, as a gal who likes relative consistency and does not enjoy being told to be flexible, I would like the weather to be consistent with the season we are in. Currently, and I feel the need to state this since apparently nobody TOLD the weather, it is WINTER. This does not mean we need a season of ice, of drifts of snow (though I do miss snow to some extent...) But chilly weather is ok. Good even. Our grass is confused. My wardrobe is confused. I am confused. (Ok, maybe that's the ACE-inhibitors talking.)

Well, I'm off to eat lunch at that restaurant where, after dining there a year ago, my credit card was suddenly used to purchase ads in newspapers all around the country. (I see you out there. You think I don't learn!) The food is awesome, and I haven't been back there since The Incident. (Which, by the way, I did some sleuthing on, in an attempt to find the fuckers, but it didn't pan out. But I'd do it again, and now I have a friend who's a private investigator, so there. Thieves Be Warned!) However, no worries. I'll be paying with cash.

LEARNING. It's the watchword for 2008.

Oh, and I have finished knitting objects, but no pictures. The chevron scarf is DONE and being worn this minute. This is really a half-assed knitting blog, I must say. It's more about Cacophony Jen and Her Catastrophes and Carousing and Correcting Others. Oh, and Indignation. I still love the Indignation.

Labels: I'm Crazy

I am seriously feeling the panic. Part of it is because many things are still undefined, and I'm a planner. I think we're going to figure out the bulk of it tonight, so that's good. And we'll be a-wrappin' presents tonight, too. There is much! to! be! done! I need to mail things, too. Whups. And write people back. And remember the funny things I wanted to blog about. And do laundry. Oh lordy, the laundry. I discovered a shirt today that I had forgotten about and it was like a beacon from heaven, saving me from myself. Yay! Clean shirt!

It's good this time of year to appreciate the little things. Like a clean shirt. And breathing. That's like, the best invention ever. So repetitive. I need to do a little more. :)

Oh, one funny thing today - James was trying to tell me Jason Lee was playing Alvin in the new Chipmunks movie, and I finally had to say really loudly, "Alvin IS a chipmunk, James." (and everyone around me was laughing, at me.) And because there has been a lot of hype about these Chipmunks, I keep getting that song stuck in my head, the one I only know one line to, "I hope I get a HUUUUULA hooop", but enough of the melody to hear it over and over and over. So you know, as I pound my head towards madness, I'll at least have a theme song.

Labels: I'm Crazy

Him: "So I hope you aren't going to be pissed with what I bought."

Me: "Why? What did you buy? You didn't buy the chain link?"

Him: "I bought... the kind of fence they use to keep goats in."

Me: "Goats. Why? Was it cheaper or something?"

Him: "It was the same price. It seems really badass. It's not welded, it's twisted. It's huge. And really heavy."

(more discussion about goats. Nevermind we don't have goats. Polly and Tripper are goat-sized. Perhaps we're getting those fainting goats for Christmas. Nothing says Yuletide Greetings like a passel of goats.)

Him: "And I bought you razor wire."

Me: "Oh my god, you totally know the way to my heart. And that I'll forgive everything else for a roll of razor wire."


(I have an unnatural love of razor wire, combined with an unwavering naiveté that doesn't understand why it's not legal to just have razor wire everywhere you want to put it. The fact I can't actually have it only makes me want it MORE. Deep down, a small part of me believes that if I could have razor wire, nothing bad could ever happen again.)

Labels: I'm Crazy

So, it's been a lovely, four-day weekend, and actually, you might say, "Jennifer! You're so lucky, you have tomorrow off, too!" But then I'd point out I'm getting a root canal at 9 a.m. and your face would sort of melt into "OH NO" sympathy. Frankly, I could give a rip about the procedure at this point, I've had multiple rounds since June with this tooth, and the crown covering the crack, and I've finally had to "bite the bullet" and accept the toothy truth, that only a root canal will stop the pain from cold, or serious chewing. (I've simply GOT to stop borrowing the dogs' nylabones!) What really gets my goat about the whole procedure is that all my "dental insurance" got used up on the crown, so I'm paying for this gem out-of-pocket. I could get a KitchenAid 6 mixer, have dinner at Em Chamas, get Tripper neutered, and probably still have a good chunk of change leftover to party all week with that kind of coin.

That aside, the weekend, to this point, has been pretty good - though I must say, I think I'm done with Black Friday. There really weren't any deals that I needed, and let me just run through my morning to illustrate how true this is:
Awaken at 4:15 a.m. Proceed to try to talk myself out of going altogether. This almost works, but at the last minute I rally and push myself to get dressed & go.
Arrive at Gordmans, approximately 5:05 a.m. They had a deal where you got 25% off your entire purchase, if you were one of the first 300 people in the store. I neglected to notice the fine print, which said, "Everything you can fit into this BAG", and since I was going to buy a dog bed, that blew that right out the window. So I got JWo two pairs of socks & a new rug for the kitchen in front of the sink. Yeah.

But wait! Then I go over to Linens-n-Things, where I discover the "Doorbusters" are exempt from the 20% off coupon. There go the things on my list, right out the window. With the memory still fresh of peeling 8# of potatoes, I decide I'm worth it. Yep. I bought an $8.00 vegetable peeler. With my coupon. And asked myself as I left the store why in hell I was doing this.

Because then it was on to Target, my love, how I adore the Target, and usually, on Black Friday, I'm running late & I miss most of the crowded throng and just sail right on in. However, because I am not buying much at these other stores, I'm there before it opens. So I go to get in line. Oh. Mah. God. The line wrapped around the corner and halfway the length of the store. The very thing I said I would not do. And once the doors opened, it was pandelerium. People were after cameras and tvs. I reassured myself that my coveted item (a 500GB external hard drive for $87) was probably not THE ITEM everyone was waiting for.... though by the time I steered through the crowd (and the 5 people snatching up some sort of iPod docking system), there weren't but 6-7 of the hard drives left on the shelf. Phew. My geekdom, preserved. Most of the other stuff I bought was not Christmasey. Light switch covers. Hair color. A couple of games to donate to St. Vincent's Operation Breakthrough. Baking soda. I even had coupons. The most cheerful woman in the universe checked me out & marveled at the items in my cart. What can I say, lady. My season is a little weirder than yours.

Last, but not least, I went over to Michael's, because they also had a coupon for 25% off your entire purchase, and that didn't have to fit in a bag. Too bad they don't have dog beds. Anyway, I got a bunch of baskets, for gifting our canned goodies, and various and sundry small things for my secret pal. I didn't have the strength to go to JoAnn's at that point, and I just went home & collapsed. My euphoria comes from the deal & the steal, and really, anymore, those things are going to be the day after Christmas. I did go to Bath & Body Works on Saturday, and just about got caught in a race war between a customer and a sales clerk, which let me tell you, was enough to whack me out of my daze, because holy crap! The (black) customer asked if the African-American woman (the only other visible sales associate) could help her with the return, after the (white) sales clerk had just told her she was waiting for her manager to complete the return, and the clerk replied with "It's not that I can't do it because I'm Caucasian...." and I didn't really hear the rest, because holy crap! Nobody really needed to be identifying each other by race, but the sales clerk should have let it go and just re-explained the need for the manager's involvement. The customer was turning to me, and the lady in front of me, for solidarity and shared shock, and I just kept a very surprised-I-am-not-getting-involved look on my face, because, holy crap! Merry Christmas Shopping! Let's talk about race, baby! Let's talk about you & me! Let's talk about all the lotions and the soaps that we see! I was tired, I just wanted to buy my four anti-bacterial hand soaps and various other products, use my coupons, and get home. But I did think about the exchange quite a bit, and concluded that even had the roles been reversed, responsibility still fell to the sales clerk to handle it appropriately. (And she realized what she'd done, and apologized about 70 times, and talked about how stressful the day had been, to the point I just wanted to say, "Lady, let it go. You're now making it worse.") Though it was strange to call out the other associate as being the same race as her, like somehow she might get better/necessary service. (Perhaps because this whole thing had happened on Grey's Anatomy this week, it felt more pointed!) I think, in the end, you just have to rise above and do the right thing. It's not a bad mantra, and it has usefulness in lots of situations. (So easy to say it, so difficult to do when you're stressed!)

Anyhoo, my weekend concluded with many hours spent tearing out the garden, smelling rotten tomatoes (and errantly squishing some in my hands) and slimy okra stems and decaying peppers. The worst part of it wasn't the rotten veggies, but was the blasted sticker bushes that had grown up in some of the peppers, and by the end of my work I looked like that fucker from Hellraiser, on the right half of my body. That took a good 15 minutes to pick out all the burrs, and every time I do, of course, I think of the dude who invented Velcro, and I also think of my dad. He'd have me pick the burrs out of his clothes and boots, post-hunting. (They clung to his bootlaces like crazy) I think that's where some of my Task/Project/Accomplishment/Perfection streak comes from, because those were all things you never. ever. did half-assed. Otherwise you got to do it again, and what made the second time worse, besides having to keep doing it, was knowing that you'd disappointed. I could have done more in the garden, but I was starting to tire, and I still had to scrape the paint from the windows I'd painted a week ago. Suffice it to say, my right shoulder's barking at me tonight. Tomorrow, it'll be my left jaw, and yeah, this part of getting older sucks, the elasticity of youth isn't there to help you bounce back and feel like a spring chicken - even the same day. But JWo spent the morning with the NYTimes reporter, and the article should appear in a couple of weeks or so. He's already in bed, and I'm heading there shortly. Much as I want to stay up and watch Dexter, it's a show we watch together, so I'll save it for tomorrow night - a nice distraction from any discomfort, methinks. (I should make some jell-o tomorrow. Yeah.)
Hope everyone else had a lovely holiday weekend, and if you did go out and shop, you got the deals you wanted! Now, I'll just hope that I get offered the chance to buy a KitchenAid 6 mixer from Amazon for $69 on Wednesday. THAT would make my day!

Labels: I'm Crazy

I've had two conversations that have amused me in the past day - last night, while we were driving to meet Momma Linda at Em Chamas (really, they should just drop the "E" and make it "MMMM Chamas", it's that tasty. Meat! On Swords!), JWo and I were talking about the upcoming NYTimes reporter's visit, and how exciting and cool it all was:

JWo: "I mean, I'm just an average guy."
Me: "I'm not average."
JWo (still in his train of thought): "I'm just ordinary!"
Me: "I'm not ordinary. I'm SPECIAL."
JWo: "I'm - wow - I'm just ...."
Me: "I would never say I'm ordinary. I'm unique! And Special."
JWo: "And humble!"
Me: "Oh, not so much."

Now, I'm not trying to finagle an interview for myself, in fact, I'm so proud and excited for him, I'm blinded by love and excitement. I even said that a fraction of 1% of me even has room to feel envious, and who cares! Global warming hasn't affected knitting. Or has it? (Waggles eyebrows) It certainly doesn't get cold enough anymore to wear heavy sweaters! Global warming, it's robbing me of my god-given right to wear bulky hand knits! How do the sheep feel about global warming?! Do they slow wool production, or are they simply grateful to be sheared? (OK, Tangent, go sit down.)

Then, this morning, I had a rep meeting with someone I've known for a long time, and she's recently taken a job with a business that will be a challenge for her. I believe I even told her, in my special blunt way, that I know she'll either turn things around or she'll quit before the end of next year. It's the truth, and she knows it, too. We were talking about a previous meeting I'd had with another salesperson, and she started laughing, and said, "And I thought :I: was the most passive-aggressive person I knew!" Well, my head tilted all "Baroo?" style, because huh? Was she talking about me? Turns out, no, she wasn't, and (in relief) I responded, "Phew! I mean, I just think of myself as plain ole AGGRESSIVE."

Be Aggressive! Be Be Aggressive! And Special! And Give Give Give Thanks! Or I'll pop pop pop ya in the nose! Because I'm Specially Aggressive! In the name of the Globally Warmed Sheep!

(Hi, I cannot leave for the weekend fast enough. My brain is in rapid-fire mode!)

Labels: I'm Crazy