PlazaJen: Passion Knit

Sunday, August 20, 2006

Like Fargo, Without The Snow

Something about the combination of me, one PlazaJen, and copious amounts of tomatoes turns the kitchen into a veritable bloodbath. It's not that I set out to make a mess, or that I'm careless, but I ended up with enough tomato spatter on the front of my shirt to make me think twice about walking out the front door of my home, lest the 75+ year-old neighbor across the street think we're sacrificing goats in the comfort of our air-conditioned home.

Truth be told, JWo and I were making vats of tomato sauce & juice. Our friend Roger is moving, and he had picked his garden clean of tomatoes, only to realize he'd already packed his canning supplies! We already had a couple large bowls filled of our own, so we bit the bullet & started processing. As we were grinding tomatoes through the uni-tasking tomato press, I was reminded of the grisly scene in Fargo, involving Steve Buscemi and a wood chipper. And even though I can do a wicked Minnesota accent (hell, being from Northern Iowa, it's simply a matter of mileage from where I started myself; Missouri living has draped a drawl on top of my round "o"s and flattened "a"s), I resisted. Might have been the distraction by the fact that every small cut or fissure in the skin on my hands was screaming at the acidic tomato juice burning at my nerves! Anyway, Alton Brown hates uni-taskers, but I love that tomato press. And my panini maker. So now when I hear or even think of the phrase "uni-tasker", I immediately think, "Fuck off, Alton Brown!" Jen loves her gadgets. Hey. I love Alton Brown, but not when he's telling me my gadgets are wasteful. (And anything Alton Brown says gets repeated by the Alton Brown SuperFan in the house, and since the dogs haven't mastered English, you do the deducing on who THAT is.)
Nobody is putting my gadgets in the woodchipper. Or me in a corner. Yeah. I'm really tired. Time for bed. I'll probably dream I'm Carrie, and Alton Brown will be releasing the vat of juice on my head. With his fucking unitasker prom-queen-dousing-kettle!!!!
posted by PlazaJen, 10:00 PM