PlazaJen: Passion Knit

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Eau de Burnt Popcorn

When I was at my last job, I sat for a time near the microwave area/small kitchen on our floor. This was disastrous when people would throw a bag of popcorn in, hit a few buttons, and then run off to the restroom. After one particular bobblehead did this, and then EMPTIED the burnt bag into the trash, I finally wrote a page-long remonstration titled, "Popping Popcorn: Rules of Engagement". It informed the reader that the microwave in question was to a normal microwave the same way a Tritan Missile was relevant to a squirt gun. It was one step below military-grade, and thus needed to be used with extreme care, caution and attention. I believe I also quoted the great Rick Springfield, urging snackers, "Don't Walk Away!", but to monitor every moment as their salty snack remained in the device. And if they did, in fact, still screw up and char their popcorn, to BURY the bag, contents and all, in the garbage. Don't open it to further dissipate the stink! I apologized if it made them feel like a nocturnal animal, rooting around in the trash, but they were warned, they disregarded the advice & now they have to pay the price.

So we have a new business meeting in 20 minutes, and someone burnt popcorn about an hour ago. (And I don't mean a little burnt, where you eat around the ten kernels that are singed brown, I mean, It's-A-Wonder-It-Didn't-Catch-On-Fire burnt, Look At The Veil of Smoke In the Air!) It has created high drama, as everyone started running around with fans, candles, Febreze - doing anything and everything to diffuse and eliminate the smell, which, if you've ever smelled it, you know simply can't be done.

My boss just strolled by and pronounced the whole place smells like "Burnt Vanilla Febreze".

Awesome. I think we've got this account in the BAG, baby.
posted by PlazaJen, 3:29 PM