PlazaJen: Passion Knit

I shut my eyes last night and you were there.
Smiling at me, across the grass at the wedding party.
Sleeping in your big leather chair.
Face turned up to the cold January sky in our backyard.
And as if the earth opened up beneath my feet, the great yawn of sadness engulfed me.
It won't let go.
Did you know? Did you see me, looking at you?
I always looked to you for guidance, for wisdom.
Did you always know, even in our times of silence, distance, time that slipped by, did you know how boundless my love was for you?
Did your heart always feel me there?
Sometimes the time and silence and space now feels like one of those times gone by, until the start and realization hits that you aren't here anymore.
And knowing you won't be on the phone, or in my backyard, or will ever give me a crinkly-eyed smile again breaks my heart anew.
How can an experience feel two hundred years old and in reality be less than three months?