PlazaJen: Passion Knit

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

And When I See You, I Really See You Upside-Down

But my brain knows better
It picks you up and turns you around
Turns you around
Turns you around

If you feel discouraged
When there's a lack of color here
Please don't worry lover
It's really bursting at the seams
Absorbing everything
The spectrum's A to Z

...from "A Lack of Color" by Death Cab for Cutie. One of my favorite songs right now, and the words floated into my head last night while I reflected on a single sharp moment in my book club, sharp like a shard of glass, reflecting light.

We sat outside, and while it was a little cool, the wind swirled around us, and I was at the end of the patio table. My dear friend Phyllis was talking, and as I looked at her, it was as though I was looking at a photograph. There was Arlo to her left, with his son Cameron on his knee, and as I saw this arrangement of life in front of me, jumping from 2 to 39 to 65, all of the colors and lines and features seemed to sharpen, giving me vision I wished I had every day, it felt as though my own eyes fixed themselves, that I had developed not only 20/20 vision, but that I was suddenly given the gift of clarity.

While I may wish for the vision, I don't think I could handle a daily existence of full clarity, because after the moment passed, I had to pinch the skin at the top of my nose where it slides into my forehead, a mannerism that I use to keep the tears at bay. It is strange to be filled with so much sadness and love simultaneously; I always believed if I had enough love, I would never be sad. They are inextricably linked, but I would not sacrifice love to be relieved of sadness.
posted by PlazaJen, 7:20 AM