PlazaJen: Passion Knit

Saturday, April 15, 2006

Not Dead Yet

OK, this is one motherfucking rollercoaster we're all on. Dad's got the front seat & all the rest of us were snatched up at gunpoint to ride this thing and we're in various positions of clusterfuck seating. Pardon all the swearing, I'm feeling rather colorful and angry today.

I spoke with my dad twice yesterday evening, and his spirits were excellent. He actually enjoyed his first radiation treatment, because, as he put it, it felt good to know they were killing those motherfucking cells. Kill! Kill! and then we both started doing the bit from Arlo Guthrie's Thanksgiving Massacree about how he was sayin' keeel keel, jumpin' up and down and we were both shoutin' Keeel Keel and I wanna see blood and guts and veins in my teeth and my god, it was good to not be crying. (if you haven't heard that piece, just know my father & I were not actually jumping up and down.)

We are definitely going up there next weekend (barring any nosedives on this rollercoaster); my aunt will also be there, and Brenda's daughter will be back in school & her son will be with his dad - so we will be able to stay with him. I was prepared to stay in a motel (somewhere), so he'd also have his space, but he sounded happy & excited to have us all together. The part of me that lives in my brain, perhaps it is the old wise gnome who wakes up a little bit more each year I'm alive, knows and tells me that there are a thousand more ascents and descents on this ride we're on. Right now I'm clinging to the seat back, grateful we are in a semi-flat part of the ride this morning, that the sun is shining and I don't see the plunging-into-darkness terror in front of me today. It probably also helped that I had my doctor give me something to help me sleep, and for the first time last night, I didn't have the hamster wheel creaking & spinning behind my eyes while I stared into the dark, waiting to sleep. (She gave me something that is also prescribed as an anti-depressant/anti-anxiety. Bonus!)

Today is a new day. My husband just rolled by the house on our new (used, yay eBay!) riding lawn mower & I thought the noise was coming from our neighbors. It made me laugh. The smell of fresh-cut grass is awesome. Thank you again for all your emails & comments, your sympathy & prayers. I will hopefully be able to blog about some other things soon, joyful & funny & bitchy. Today, I leave you with a picture. My knit night friend Peg just got a 7-wk old lab pup, Sam, and she brought him to knit night, where he got to meet Remy, the 4 & 1/2 month old siamese kitten. Damn funny stuff. (I used my phone camera so forgive the quality...)

posted by PlazaJen, 8:57 AM