PlazaJen: Passion Knit

Friday, January 06, 2006


I've mentioned before my cheap thrill of glibly lying to strangers in situations that harm no one, but amuse me greatly. Here's another one, starring many of the same characters.

Two days ago, Miss Kristin and I did our usual LunchAdventures! where we go eat something and then search for magical Life Solutions in the form of yarn, office supplies, or random things obtained at CostCo. This week, it was office supplies. I view office supplies as a way of getting closer to my personal, unattainable deity, Goddess of Organization. I firmly believe that having the right set of pens when the sun is in the fourth quadrant and you're born in the Year of the Monkey, you can Become Organized. I guess it's like Cleansing Your Thetan in the Church of Scientology, but pens? MUCH CHEAPER.

So we are standing at the altar (checkout) of Office Depot, and Kristin is in front of me, purchasing some pens (Salvation!) and an excitedly-discovered "My Chores" list complete with sparkling stickers. The checkout girl is literally checking her out. In both ways. I swore, she was SO friendly, I thought she was trying to swoop in and take advantage of the office supply frenzy & convert Kristin to Lesbetarianism and finally get that toaster oven. So, she's fawning all over the "My Chores" item, and talking talking talking, and I pipe up, "Is that for your niece, Denise?" and the very act of saying this takes me to that hilarious & awful place. You know the one, where you can barely breathe, your legs feel like they won't hold you up, and anything you try to say comes out in little wheezy gasps & tears are coming out the corners of your eyes? Kristin did not hear me, and turned and said, "What?" and that made me paralyzed AND frustrated, because I wanted to sustain the lie, to keep the niece Denise alive & waiting anxiously for her gift from Auntie K, because it would also keep the checkout girl in a forward-motion of continuing her efforts to lick Kristin's forehead.

Alas, my amusement at myself worked against me, and I couldn't speak until we got to the car. All I can say is, our niece Denise is lucky to have such thoughtful aunts & we will sure teach her about the Office Supply Religion.
posted by PlazaJen, 9:59 AM