PlazaJen: Passion Knit

Thursday, September 01, 2005

Evasive Maneuvers

While driving home last night, we encountered another Idiot Who Got His License On BOGO Free Day, as he attempted to merge at a rate slower than normal traffic, veering back and forth as he doubted his every move. JWo flashed his brights at him, indicating, yes, we see you, please come over; he did, but still, going loads slower than normal highway speeds.

So, we're calling him an idiot, but our exit is next, so it's just another Idiot Encounter that's about to end, and our blinker's on, and we're moving to the off-ramp. OH NO! Idiot cannot decide where the F he's going! Now his blinker is on, to also exit. JWo backs off on the gas. Blinker goes off. WTF? Blinker goes on. JWo has had it! He accelerates, and we pass Idiot Who Knows Not Where He's Goin' and speed up to the light. When we pass, I see that the passenger in the car looks like she has escaped from a mental institution, and she balefully looks back. Her hair alone said "I Have Nothing To Lose". I am a little nervous, and watch the mirrors, as it's now Two Confirmed Idiots progressing down the ramp, ready to tell JWo to run the light if any Idiots gets out of the car with automatic weaponry. Idiots instead pull up to the right-turn ramp, and we look at the car. JWo says, "Ford Escort?" I say, "Could be Mercury Tracer." We laugh. It's been in an accident or two, big dents, a piece o' crap, with not much better behind the wheel.

The light changes, and we part ways with Idiots.

Two lights later? Holy Crap. Idiots on the right, in a turn-only lane. We're not sure, if it's the same idiots, but it's a banged-up dented car, same color, and the Dude Idiot gave JWo a big "look" when he glanced over. I just noticed the front end of the car, and we were staccato whispering to each other without moving our lips. (Everyone's windows were down.) Me: "IS THAT THEM?" JWo: "I don't know. He looked at me. Don't look." Longest. Light. Ever. Finally, it's green. JWo punches it. Now we're sure they're the Idiots, because they are trying to go forward, from their turn-only lane. Free from stiff-upper-lip speech, I squeal, "You gotta lose 'em, James!" JWo is already on-task, stating he is now "engaging in evasive maneuvers". Because we're only blocks from our house, we can't lead them to our home base! So the Idiots are forced to fall in several cars back, and we take a circuitous route home. After two blocks, it looks like we've lost 'em, so I engage in some lighthearted Cartman-esque "Pshewh! Pshewh!" fake gunfire out the backwindow, as though we are not Jen & JWo, but Bonnie & Clyde, fleeing the scene.

Before we even pulled into the drive, we could see Polly, waiting, there at the door. I love how dogs sense & know you're coming home, especially after an evening ending on Evasive Maneuvers. Bonnie & Clyde should have been so lucky.
posted by PlazaJen, 7:04 AM