PlazaJen: Passion Knit

Friday, October 12, 2007

There Are Nine Stages To Fixing A Messed-Up Cable

Before I run you through those stages, let me just state for all my knitting friends who read that piece on the Yarn Harlot about fixing goofed-up cables, that works if you have just a single piece o' cable. These cables are done across 6 stitches with K2, P2, K2, and with that rib, it's not quite as fluid as just monkeying around with all knit stitches. Not that any of this would ultimately matter!

However, I believed I could do it. Or at least it was worth a try.

Stage 1. Problem Assessment, Solution Options, Tool Procurement
Stage 1: Optimism

It's important to be Optimistic. It also helps to have coffee-flavored tequila. Really good coffee-flavored tequila. Have a little sip. (It might be useful to not only note the knitting, but to note the shot glass in all these pictures.)

Stage 2: Prepare for the unholy acts you are about to commit to your knitting. In other words, give yourself a smidge of a safety net & fill the shot glass.

Stage 2: Preparation

Stage 3: Courage -or- Ignoring The Screaming Knitting Gnomes of Your Mind
Stage 3: Fortitude & Courage

Ai, Bobby, we have CUT THE YARN. But fear not! We can read our knitting! We are just adjusting ONE cable, and once we fix it, we will go up and tackle the THREE other ones that are wrong! Yes! Have a sippy sip.

Stage 4: Perseverance Despite Distractions
Stage 5: Perseverence

My, that Patron tasted good. This also suddenly feels like it was all a Very Bad Idea. But press on, good knitter. You can fix this.

Stage 5: Repeat Your Mistake

Stage 6: Completely Re-do the Cable EXACTLY THE WRONG WAY AGAIN

This is when you will begin to falter. Mightily. As you look at your knitting and realize you have JUST REPLICATED the very mistake you undid. Lesser beings would weep at this point, or at least take a break. You? You have another swig and keep on truckin'.

Stage 6: Patience

Stage 6: Patience

Get everything lined back up and prepare to re-tackle the problem at hand.

Stage 7: Begin to Accept Defeat
Stage 7: Acceptance of Defeat

As you work the cable correctly, realize you have no idea how to kitchener this bitch back together and have it look good. Try numerous times, to no avail. Finish drink. Do not bother to lighten photograph because the darkness is symbolic.

Stage 8: Rip Away, Rip Away, Rip Away Dixie Land

Stage 8: Starting Over. But With A "Head Start" of About 6"!

Pour yourself a second shot. (Well, just a half-shot, but if you're really sad, give yourself the whole one.) Commence with the ripping. Note, with amusement, that husband is singing a new version of Devo's big song, "Whip It" only his is called "Rip It! Rip It Good!", complete with new, made-up lyrics like
"When the knitter messes up
She must rip it!
When mistakes are made in knitting
She must rip it!"

And note this amusement, because you won't actually recognize it, for all the rage and irritation that is piled on top of it and you might actually want to snap at said singer and take your frustration out on him, despite the fact his only transgression was being funny. Content yourself with not offering to share any of the Patron, and rip until you are in the clear. Note along the way that the smug satisfaction one gets from weaving in ends as you go thwarts the frogging process, and perhaps we should learn from that, and messy lazy knitter gnome sticks her tongue out at the OCD knitter gnome, who is far too busy freaking out about the kinky pile of wool in the middle of the kitchen table to even notice.

Commence re-knitting, and choose to take the Pollyanna route about the entire situation, telling yourself that you are at least not starting over from scratch, but in fact, have about 6" of correctly-knit scarf, and thank heavens this project has a deadline of December 1.

(Additional Patron dosing is completely subjective at this point.)


posted by PlazaJen, 5:27 AM