PlazaJen: Passion Knit

Sunday, August 07, 2005

Comfort Zone

A while back, I asked JWo if he thought I was competitive. He laughed. He said that I am, and that I don't do things (or try new things) if I think I can't be the best at it. Well, that rang true, I guess we all have our Achilles' Heel..... and I don't like to do things if I can't win. Conversely, I don't like to play some things I'm exceptionally good at, because it's like being in 10th grade English all over again, with my hand up....again. Hell, yes, I was Hermione .... at some things! And I was not immune to the eye rolls that accompanied being really good/smart at those things. The gauntlet is thrown: I flat-out rule at pictionary, and god help you if you're on the opposite team.

So I've been cognizant that my inner Bela Karolyi keeps me from maybe having new experiences, out of the fear I'll fail, make an idiot out of myself, etc., etc. And when JWo suggested we go to a local pub (and by local, I mean, it's REALLY close to the house) and play Texas Hold 'Em last night, I agreed. We played a little at home, with chips, so I could have a bit of a practice. Though I had to ask, 30 minutes before starting, if three-of-a-kind beat a straight. I still don't have it all down. But it's a "for-fun" league, there's no money involved, and everyone's really friendly & helpful. So I did it! I was nervous as hell, I didn't grasp everything, and obviously, you won't be seeing me on the World Poker Tour anytime soon. I was the first person out at our table, though I did last about an hour. After losing, I felt free to drink beer, which I do quite well, and joined other losers for "shit on your neighbor", which I won the first time I played. (That one is easy to figure out.) Anyway, the point of it all is that the inner perfectionist doesn't want to play unless there's a good chance I will win - and yet, you can't improve if you don't play! So I'm glad I did it, I did NOT stay for the second tournament (JWo chauffered me home & went back to compete), and will probably do it again sometime. So I tell you, if fear of failure or embarassment or losing is holding you back on something, just tell yourself what I did:

Fuck You, Bela. I will lose, and LOVE IT.
posted by PlazaJen, 9:00 AM