PlazaJen: Passion Knit

Monday, March 14, 2005


I've been in a really melancholy place the past few days. I realize some of the causes of it - for instance, another person's probably going to quit and then the rest of us have more work to do, etc., but I think in general, I go through a few "mood dips" a year, despite all the cognitive work I do and the medicine that keeps the absolute crazies away. But despite that, the sadness seeps in here and there, and I resist crying over stupid little stuff, as much as I teeter on the edge of doing so. Like I just want to watch American Beauty and get in a good sob. (Not the horse movie, the one with the roses, and the beautiful plastic bag in the wind.) The good thing is, I see this and I feel it and it doesn't overtake me. In the past the melancholy would wash over me like a huge wave, and I would get caught in the undertow. As I typed this, I realized that this happens to me pretty much every Spring - kinda weird, hm? You'd think Fall would be the more likely candidate for that effect. It's the opposite - I love Fall, and the burrowing in to Winter. I must have been a bear in a previous life. :)

I think my dear hubby is one of the other reasons I don't have so strong an undertow anymore. And, despite all the craziness in his family, their existence in my life has given me a whole new set of memories and laughter, along with some of the furrowed brow and irritation that only family (my side included!) can give you.

For instance, surely you noticed I misspelled "melancholy" in the title. That's because almost all words ending in "ly" at our house are given a special treatment. During one of the first summers we spent down at his grandparent's house at the lake, we were fishing on the dock. Specifically, in the enclosed section of the dock. While waiting, waiting, waiting, which is the key part of fishing if you've not done it, I was looking around. (I can be a bit ADD at times.) There was a big 50-gallon trash can, and it had a sign on it. It said "Can's ONLEY". Now, I let the apostrophe go, because that's a pretty common goof. (forgivable? never. But common all the same.) But the spelling error/correction on "only" cracked me up. I kept saying, "Cans ownLEE! Cans ownLEE!", cracking both of us up. With that, James and I rooted another inside joke that is still with us today, and so today I can say I'm melancholEE, and smile and get through all of this crap, because I'm not going into the undertow, and there are so many things more important than the things dragging on my ankles right now.
posted by PlazaJen, 8:49 AM