PlazaJen: Passion Knit

Tuesday, February 08, 2005

Road Rules, Part DUH

Good grief, Charlie Brown. Days like this confirm my conspiracy theory that every month, there is a secret day at the DMV, and anyone who walks through the door automatically gets their drivers license, no test, no fee, no proof of insurance, see ya later, have a great drive!

We are in the stranglehold of a Winter Storm Warning! NBC's weatherman Gary Lezak was O. O. C.! He was all hands and arms waving last night on the news. "THERE'S NEW DATA COMING IN ALL THE TIME!" he effused. Don't get me wrong, I love Gary, because he is unabashedly enthusiastic, and unbelievably passionate about the weather. But sweet mother of all that is holy, NOBODY ON MY ROUTE HOME KNOWS HOW TO DRIVE IN SNOW. OK, that's too sweeping, but there were at least a dozen people who obtained their license on that Free Day, and they never should have ventured out in this. I was mentally toasting all of the Twin Cities Snow Removal Department in my drive home, a drive that normally takes 20 minutes, and took an hour and ten minutes tonight. We're not big on snow removal here, because - hey! It's gonna MELT, eventually!

So I was behind a Jeep. (a JEEP! I say in high-pitched tone!) And this Jeep did not understand the "advisable to leave extra space between you and the car in front of you" concept. Also, Jeep Driver had never grasped the notion that you gently goose the accelerator after you've been stopped for a while, very very gently, so you just start rolling. No. He ascribed to the "FLOOR THIS MO-FO" theory, and seemed to not learn from his repeated sliding, nearly off the road, nearly into a jacknife - every time. I was glad when he turned, because I really didn't want to have to get out, knock on his window & explain the error of his ways.

Then, I see a BMW driving along, with the HAZARD LIGHTS ON. Behind it? A LEXUS SUV, doing the SAME DAMNED THING. WHAT IS UP, people? The only time you can drive with your blinkers on is if you're dragging your muffler and you're desperately trying to get to a service station, or you're preceding a house on the back of a semi and your car is sporting a "Wide Load Ahead" banner. Otherwise, your sorry ass needs to be parked alongside the road, stuck, like the other two dolts who made a 1/4 mile drive take 35 minutes.

Now, it was a big ol' snow, so I'm already looking forward to the "stay away from downed power lines" cautionaries that will undoubtably cover the 10p news tonight. I wonder if people think that they, an untrained human, can put them back up somehow? Like dragging a tree limb from the road, just grab onto the big sparky and make the road passable? I repeat my earlier theory: LET THESE FOOLS DO IT. It's one less bad driver on the roads. Speaking of tv "news" drama, I will leave you with a quote from last night's dramatic reporting: "pain shimmers in their eyes, which are little dams as they try to hold back the tears."
NBC 41 Action News 2/7, 10:01 p.m.

I had to write it down. It was JUST THAT BAD.
posted by PlazaJen, 8:16 PM