PlazaJen: Passion Knit

Wowza!
I had a doozy of a headache all morning, despite coffee consumption. So before my dealer, uh, I mean Kristin and I headed out at lunch, I had her hook me up with some of her Powerful Drugs. This would be the Excederin Tension Headache medicine. I tried to read the tiny print on the bottle but did not really get any good dosing instructions. Why is the print so small, when you can barely SEE from the Master P Pounding in your brain already? Something about 2 caplets every 6 hours, maximum. Mmmkay. Two it is. Down the hatch! There was another line about limiting your caffeine consumption because it could cause NERVOUSNESS, among other things. I don't need to be any more nervous than I already am, thankyouverramuch, so I stowed that away in my little brain pocket.

I noticed when we got back, Huzzah! Headache is gone! And then I sat down and ate some tasty thai (from Thai Place, NOT Tasty Thai, JAMES. (sorry. inside joke/reference. It will be explained someday.)) and burnt every taste bud in my mouth from the spicy peppers. Woo hoo! Yum! Why do I love such torturous food? I do not know. I went to the kitchen to get ice, thinking, "Hm, Diet Coke with Lime? My friend? I need you to cure The Burn, baby!" And then I noticed, "Hm! I am JITTERY!" and I will take jittery over nervous any day of the week, BUT, I feel compelled to blink a lot and my typing DEFINITELY suffers. However, this drug, this Excederin? It makes me very PUNCHY and FLIPPANT and you think, "Hm, how could there be ROOM for any more?" You might think there isn't! But oH there is, and look out.

Right in the middle of writing this blog, we get an email with three (3!!) attachments from HR about how our HMO has rules and restricted places blah blah blah blah blah blah all this medical stuff we pay big money for and how we can't go anywhere except the sixth ring of Jupiter if we need to be seen by a doctor, and they don't cover witch doctors anymore, blah blah blah.

My response (as forwarded to a very select few):

PLEASE TO NOT BE CUTTING OFF YOUR FINGERS TOES OR OTHER APPENDAGES AND NEEDING THE EMERGENCY REPAIRS OR CLINIC VISITS BECAUSE YOU WILL HAVE TO PAY PAY PAY THROUGH YOUR NOSE NOSE NOSE.

But if you do it ON THE JOB, it's covered. So make sure you do all your dangerous moves on property. Thank you. You do not need to read the attached now.

Don't get me wrong. I love health insurance. I need it, god KNOWS I need it, everyone needs it. But here I am, self-doping, I mean, self-dosing myself all up on caffeine, but you've got to go through these elaborate Twister moves to make sure you do every single maneuver correctly if you're going to the doctor, otherwise you come home 30 days later and there's a bill for $3,921.17 in your mailbox. There has got to be a revolution, and the system has got to be Overhauled. This has been your PSA, as written by Shakes the Clown, who has no ability to proofread right now.
HOWEVER. I got myself some water, instead of Diet Coke, because extra caffeine right now? Could get me fired, bitchslapped, or - gasp - dropped my medical care provider!