PlazaJen: Passion Knit

Friday, December 24, 2004


So many things to be happy about, and to be thankful for.
Last night, it was wonderful to see my friend Shelley sooooo happy. Borderline giddy. She has been with her boyfriend for over a year now, and they've had the standard (and unique) highs & lows, the wonderings of whether it will last, the deciding that it WON'T last to steel yourself for the heartbreak that doesn't quite come, and now that they've done some collective ironing, they've hit that wonderful, more-secure place and still have that NuLove giddiness about them. The metaphors that swirled through my head last night were akin to "fresh strawberries" or a very ripe peach, that first-bite burst that blows through your senses and taste buds and leaves you wanting more, more, MORE!
I told her once I envied her romantic love stage, where everything is new and exciting and bubbly. I don't actually envy it, actually - it's more like looking at old pictures that remind you of a really special trip and make you smile inside for a time you can only remember.
James came home yesterday and I was VERY ready for him to be home. From a practical standpoint (YOU put the dogs in the kennel and do the vacuuming!) to a deep inside ache of missing the man who loves me so completely, he loves me through the times when I can't love myself. I was very weepy last night, because we hadn't talked much in the past week, and so I had to talk about Becki dying, and about how I still struggle with my relationship (or lack thereof) with my mother & how this time of year seems to spotlight it and makes it harder to handle, and how much I MISSED HIM. And then we went to Shelley's Fifth Annual Ornament Exchange, and had a good time until Clancy the Cat's dander made James turn into a swollen-eyed, blinking allergy machine. So we came home and the bed was full again and both dogs were there and there was balance in the universe.

I like to think that the love we have now, the one that isn't new and shiny all the time, and has familiar grooves cut into it, with the familiar jokes and the little pieces like knowing how I like my coffee and how he would like me to pick him up a treat at the bakery and all those small little nuances that you don't even consciously have to THINK about are all there, and they make my heart burst with joy. I wouldn't trade it for anything.
posted by PlazaJen, 8:51 AM