PlazaJen: Passion Knit

Wednesday, December 22, 2004

How I Ruined Christmas

Or, at least, this one SUV-drivin', in-a-hurry Beyotch's day.
In merely 30 seconds! Last time I checked, CostCo parking lots usually do not require, nor is it advisable, driving speeds in excess of 40 mph. Apparently my assumption is INSANE, because why would I ease out in front of said speeding SUV, that was turning a corner half a block away, to suddenly have said SUV almost in my back seat, honking at me?
I threw my hands up in the air because, unlike BeyotchLady in SUV, I did not feel like hitting the gas and barrelling forward in a CostCo parking lot, because I did not have Russian spies chasing me down, nor were bullets flying. Daggers from her eyes, yes, but I have a special deflector on the Honda that I installed. And she was SO PISSED, I could see in my 9-inch movie screen of a rear-view mirror, that she wanted to GET OUT of her SUV but I bet she was intimidated by the license plate frame, "I'd Rather Be Knitting", and you never know with us knitters, what we're packin'. I can stuff a ball of yarn down someone's throat in 20 seconds, and that's why I'm called "The Yarn Whisperer". OH but it was her misfortune to have to CONTINUE traveling behind me, and it made me laugh, and laugh, and LAUGH because, SERIOUSLY? are we getting this upset over traveling only 30 mph and you did not want anyone in front of you, despite a full parking lot and it's three days before Christmas? And then she went around me to the stop light where I could see the little 6-inch mirror reflection of her face as her lips got all pursed up and she was SCOWLING at me and shaking her head, which was a bit confusing because, when all was said and done, she still wouldn't have made the light, and she didn't lose any time, per se, due to the fat slow lady on her day off driving her Honda. I made my turn, she floored it through the intersection, and I thought, man, it sucks to have her for a mom/wife/roommate, because seriously, it is a cluster you-know-what out there right now in Shopatorium U.S.A., and there is NO REASON to get bent out of shape or pissed off because it's like a current - the more you fight against it, the more you stand a chance to drown. And certainly, if I could tell her ONE THING it would be, Merry Christmas. If I could tell her a second thing, it would be, SPEED KILLS.
posted by PlazaJen, 2:38 PM