PlazaJen: Passion Knit

Monday, March 26, 2007

If You Are Experiencing A Medical Emergency, Please Stop Reading This Blog.

Do you ever wonder what's happened out there in the Crazy World, when you call in to a doctor's office, and the first thing you hear is, "Welcome to the Offices of Doctors X Y and Z. If this is a medical emergency, please hang up and dial 9-1-1."..... followed then by a list of automated instructions. My primary care doctor's voice greeting has this, as does the Otolaryngologist's office I just called.

Now, I don't know about you, but if I've just cut my leg off with the meat slicer, I am NOT going to call my primary care physician. Or a specialist. First of all, the wasted seconds with the extra numbers (and especially extra if you're crossing state lines with the 816/913 preface you have to enter) could mean the difference between life/death, or stump/re-attached leg. Second of all, do you know how long it can take to get in to see a specialist? It can take weeks! I'm certainly not going to jump around (jump around! jump around! jump up jump up and get down!) until Dr. Whozzits is back from Aruba. Last, but not least, if you can't distinguish between what IS and is NOT a medical emergency, and you need to hear a recording tell you to hang up and call 911? Perhaps you should stump yourself right out of the gene pool, my friend.

In less-scathing news, I am going to a full-fledged Oto- ok, an Ear Nose & Throat guru tomorrow to deal with my post-nasal drip. The coughing is back, and no amount of Zyrtek, antibiotics, or nasal sprays is cutting it. I was driven to purchase one of those sinus irrigation kits yesterday because of my Wikipedia research, thinking perhaps suffering through an elected nasal-irrigation-process would better my situation. I believe it's supposed to be good for you, and it sure does clean out your sinuses. And glamorous - my god, I cannot even begin to describe how glamorous it is. Think vintage Valentino and Cartier diamonds. So, so glamorous. It's akin to the sensation you get when you accidentally get water up your nose - that frightening, horrible pressure - and yet, much to my surprise, you can simply keep breathing through your mouth & the sterile mixture just sails right on out the other nostril. I was searching for a term to describe it ... Sexy? Yes. It is extremely sexy time. You will burst into flames, the hotness is so flammable and ... hot.

And when you're on fire, just make sure you call 911, not a specialist's office.
posted by PlazaJen, 1:48 PM