PlazaJen: Passion Knit

Thursday, November 02, 2006

"It Won't Be Late Because Jennifer Will Get Angry And We'll Have To Leave."

Ahhhh, dearest Kristin. You know me so well.

See, I thought I was in the creme de la creme. The Shopping Elite. The Who's Who of Crate & Barrel's mailing list. Instead, I was shopper drone #812, and when we got to the private event, there were no parking spaces left. No valet, just a bow-tied woman telling us to park across the street. After thirty minutes of sitting in line to park. Hey? Concept? Tell us BEFORE we're stuck in a no-way-out line of cars. And women should just not wear bow ties. Unless they're getting married in a civil ceremony, to each other. Otherwise, please. Don't do it.

Folks, have you ever been to 119th & Roe? This is not crossing a cobblestoned street. This is crossing 6 lanes of haywire traffic, and we picked a less-congested parking lot, and appparently? The one with fucked up sidewalks and uneven terrain. So already, we were not off to a good start. I immediately backed off purchasing anything that weighed more than -oh - a can of soup. We apologized under our breath as we traipsed through the still-fresh landscaping, and I felt the distinct sinking feeling as I trod on fresh sod. Just helping those roots take hold, that's us!

Inside? A fucking madhouse. A zoo. A gigantic cocktail party, where more people were drinking and noshing and Thurston Howelling with each other than actually shopping. Note to C&B: Y'all need to have a Driven! The Jennifer Shopping Event, and only true shoppers can come. We'll stop and have drinks when we're waiting in line for our purchases to be rung up. There were far more people preoccupied with brie and white wine and standing around and waiting for the sun to start orbiting them, than people who were actually cognizant of the fact they were in a STORE that someone else might want to look at something on the shelf behind them.

I could go on and on. Let me hit some of the high notes: I was pawed by a woman who admired my velvet jacket; we got free coasters when we left; the policeman at the corner did not want to chat and he started to be a crossing guard for us when the light changed, but abandoned us after one lane. Hey! So we went over to Dean & Deluca. Where we met the most charming young man who peddled me three different kinds of black licorice (because HE believes in giving out samples!) and he's a dancer, in a very-intensive training program (5 hours a day) and we had an extremely long conversation about licorice, Christopher Elbow chocolates, and the state of downtown Kansas City. Really, I'm not a difficult person, or shopper. I can make friends with the best of them. (Helps if they're gay.)

It was on the way to Dean & Deluca that I learned Kristin had told her husband we wouldn't be out late, because I was going to get angry with the crowds. I find it interesting that other people know what to expect from me more than I even do from myself, sometimes. It's good to be known, I think. James thought it was HILARIOUS and also, Not Surprised.

I, on the other hand, am going to plot a "sick day" or something and go in the morning when Crate & Barrel opens, a few weeks from now, and preferably mid-week, and I'll see then if there's anything I simply must have. Until then, I have a lot of black licorice to tide me over, and some photo coasters to fill. And, apparently, some angry eyes to put away.....
posted by PlazaJen, 12:39 AM