PlazaJen: Passion Knit

Seriously. Sometimes? Don't you just want to pour kerosene into your ears, light them on fire and run around the neighborhood shouting "THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN BAD MUSIC IS PLAYED ALL THE TIME!"????

I sure as shit do. Let's take the Ear Worm From Hell, and it's second cousin, Ear Worm From Fucknut. EWFH would be "Don't Cha" by the Pussycat Dolls. No. I am not going to f'n look up their websites or mp3's and LINK to them. If you haven't heard the song, then this is your personal Public Service Announcement courtesy of PlazaJen. PSAP-Jay. I just THINK about that song and suddenly I feel compelled to tilt my head like a goddamn spice girl. And if you know me, virtually or otherwise? I AM NOT A SPICE GIRL. Nor can I get behind grammar this bad.

So that leads us to EWFF. I had never even HEARD this song before last weekend. THANK YOU JWO. It came on MTV or something & he was all, "OMG, you HAVE to hear this song!" (ok, he said Oh My God, we don't speak in acronyms. Mostly not, anyway.) Oh, pray tell, what was this candy taffy nugget of puke set to drum beats? "My Humps" by the Black Eyed Peas. No, bitches, I'm not linking to them EITHER. My humps! My humps! My humps! My humps! My lovely lady lumps!

WHAT the Fuck kind of lyrics are those? My lovely lady lumps? Lovely? Yes, I like that word. But when you attach it to "lady lumps" we now have the absolute stupidest euphamism for buttocks or breasts, and both are emphasized in the video, with emphasASS on the butt. A co-worker told me his 10-year old niece was singing the song at dinner the other night. Niiiiice. The whole song's shallow as hell, with of course a perfect ringtone-kinda beat, and isn't that what it's all about now? Get a hook that earworms in and is so popular people are paying $1.99 to make their cellphones play it, too?

God, I am going to turn into one of those old-man muppets that sit up in the balcony & hate everything. But it's better than setting my ears on fire. I'll choose to be Statler. The other guy's name is Waldorf, and that's also a salad featuring walnuts. I hate walnuts. Walnuts & Ear Worms. SMACK SMACK SMACK. I smack them all.

THIS is why I don't listen to Top 40 radio. It makes me very, very angry.

HARRUMPH.