PlazaJen: Passion Knit

It's always a conundrum, this holiday. I dread finding the card, because as hard as I try, I always end up grabbing six gushing, fawning, "You're my mother, my BEST FRIEND, thank you for all your love and support, you gave me life, you're the wind beneath my wings, Heaven sent you to be My Angel, so Happy Mother's Day", and eventually I get to the card that just wishes a happy day, simply stated, and I avoid an emotional breakdown in the middle of Target. Now, I also buy cards for JWo's mom & grandmother, so it breaks up the focus a bit, and this year, I also got a card for my Auntie Karen who is here this weekend visiting from Florida. It was fun to buy her one of those gushing cards, as the first one I saw was absolutely nail-on-the-head perfect: To my Aunt, who is like a second mother.

For those who have wonderful mothers, who have great relationships with their mothers - enjoy today. Appreciate what you have, for not everyone is as lucky. I have tried every which way to make today a different experience for me, I have engaged and I have cut off, I feel guilt and anger, helplessness and sadness, but in the end, I have to take care of myself.

Last year, I sent a card, AND a live rose bush. Yellow roses. Her favorite. There was no acknowledgement, no thank you, and as my very-wise Auntie pointed out long ago in one of our conversations, "Behavior that is not reinforced is not repeated." This year, I bought myself three pink hedge rose bushes, which should arrive this week. They will represent the last two years of marriage, plus the third for the future. Next Sunday (our two-year anniversary), is the real holiday this month.

Celebrate what you have, what you want, the ones you love - every day, not just when Hallmark tells us to.