PlazaJen: Passion Knit

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

The Rooms Of My Heart

I was sending an email this morning, and in describing how I felt about my mother, I wrote, "There will always be an echo in that room in my heart," and it struck me, how those simple words strung together so accurately captured the essence of my relationship, or lack therof, with her.

I do believe we have rooms in our hearts. We come pre-built with some, and others we build on or remove or downsize as we allow other people to move into them or we tell them to leave. The beautiful thing is the malleability, the infinite size and structure we can create to accommodate those we love.

My mother is nuts. I'm not going to give her any more space here than that, I've ranted to enough people in the past twelve hours and I'm drawn to a lyric snippet from She Wants Revenge that says, "You can rent a space inside my mind, At least until the price becomes too .... HIGH". My heart and mind are valuable property to me, and while I arrived on this earth with a room in my heart for her, one I've never been able to get rid of, I've had to downsize it. Take out some things. Build some other rooms for the wonderful women who have been like a mother to me.

After I wrote that, about the echoing, I wondered, was that also a description of how I felt about my father, now that he's gone? And I was so glad when my heart boomingly replied, "NO", for his room is full. Full of memories, full of love, full of his spirit. What a comfort that is.
posted by PlazaJen, 6:48 AM