PlazaJen: Passion Knit

That's a camera-phone shot of the interior of the safe at the bank. I've never done the whole safety-deposit box thing, and it's always had mystery and intrigue around it. It was on my list of things to do today, but instead I started out my day closing accounts, opening new ones, blah blah blah. Then I did the safe thing.

We were burglarized yesterday, and while some fucknuts are out there pawning all our shit, I'm spending time out of my life cleaning up the wreckage. At least good friends came over and cleaned up that wreckage, because these people went through EVERYthing and dumped them out on the floor. It sucks getting burgled. I know, you thought it would be fun, right? All the electronics (my precious big tv!), all the PS2 games, all of it just one big vacant hole in the living room. Then my computer, all the electronics upstairs - ugh. It just is one big list to turn in to the insurance company at this point. For, if we were going to reflect on the month of June and all her evil fucking lessons, we know that this, while an invasion and a cause for angst, is just stuff. Stuff can be replaced, forgotten about, paid for and rebought. Stuff that can be made more secure (and oh yes, it will, I'm going to have an alarm system that will make the dogs belly crawl around the house). And our dogs were padlocked in their kennel, and oh-so-thankfully not hurt or stolen. We might have avoided the break-in had they been in the house? But it could have been worse, too. So I'm trying not to spend all my time running down dead-end thought roads that will only make me more tired than I already am, and just focus on having some normal life stuff this weekend.

I could not be more grateful for the friendships, the work that was done, the help and support that was offered up, yet again, on my behalf. I started crying last night, in front of four people, which for me is already really pushing my limits, and I told them that I've spent most of my life fighting any need to rely on other people, avoiding asking for things, not wanting to lean too hard, and I guess what I'm getting right now is a huge lesson in humility, to accept the kindness and love and help and friendship and to not give it back in equal or greater amounts right now, and realizing that it is, after all, ok. My father was a proud man, and he never wanted to be beholden to anyone, he never had debt of any kind - monetary or otherwise, and he always made sure he gave more than he received. I learned a lot of my value system from him; it explains my extreme discomfort and awe at the outpouring I have received. May it come back to everyone tenfold, for I am just one person. Without a lot of stuff, energy, or strength right now.