PlazaJen: Passion Knit

Friday, June 10, 2005

When Good Knitting Goes Bad

I take this post inspiration from the latest Berroco "Knit Bits" email newsletter. The madness is going to have to stop. "What madness?" you naively ask. Well, that's a broad question, sweetie, and there are far too many starting places in the exciting, popular world of knitting. Our friends at Berroco are always eager to push the envelope and develop edgy, "out-there" designs to keep the young, hip, and unstable under their spell. For instance, and it's just me talkin' here, but we don't need to crochet moccassins, unless we're starring in a re-enactment of Custer's Last Stand, and even then? I just don't think it's worth the time. Nor do we need to knit ourselves swimsuits, even if you're sporting the newest Hollywood Cokehead body that seems to be all the rage.

Last, but not least? The poncho. The poncho. I am not completely anti-poncho, nor am I anti-lefty, but I think we've got enough poncho patterns out there to satisfy the masses. Undaunted, our high-fashion knitware designers soldier on and present us with a poncho that is described as "a very wearable poncho."

IF YOU LIVE IN A PINEAPPLE UNDER THE SEA! And even Sir Spongebob would pick a more cheerful color.

The only positive thing I can say?

At least it's not a man-cho.

NO. VERBOTEN. CUIDADO. NO NO NO. Even if you're gay. This violates everything we have tried to accomplish as knitters, feminists, tastemakers and designers. Only Juan Valdez can wear garments like this, and his might be a ruana. And anyway, he picks coffee and his only friend is a DONKEY, so would you take fashion advice from The Juan? NO! NO! The poncho madness must stop! STOP! This one's courtesy of Lion Brand, and it should be set on fire. I'm not sure I'd wait long enough for him to take it off, either. OY. And I just noticed, his pants have zippers on the upper thighs. You would be snagged to kingdom come with pants like that and a Homespun poncho. Snaggy AND Trashy. Wait, isn't that the new Paris Hilton reality show? Thank god SHE hasn't taken up knitting. It probably involves too much of that "counting" thing, anyway.

OK. No more ranting. I'm leaving for the day. I love summer hours! (See? I can be positive!)
posted by PlazaJen, 11:57 AM