PlazaJen: Passion Knit

Wednesday, February 23, 2005


I now state forth that all medicine directions should be printed CLEARLY and in BIG TYPE. Granted, I'm being pouty and sullen because I took two horse-sized caplets with barely enough water and they left the memory of their size on my throat, and so I sit here, vacantly gulping, not to mention still mouth-breathing (so sexy! It's the lambada of breathing!) and I'm looking for things to be mad at, rather than go to the kitchen and get some water. And the whole thing reminds me of how discerning dosages and maximum quantities and frequency and quantities and all that stuff that never seemed too pertinent before, all of it's written in TEENSY WEENSY TYPE as though you have become a Borrower, or a tiny gnome living in my body. Or perhaps a cockaroacha. It's your story too, if you like Kafka, go for it. But the sicker I am, the less inclined I am to read anything that's written in TEENSY ITTY BITTY letters and the more it hurts, the more I am inclined to WHACK OUT FORTY TABS and chew them up. I would have made a very good monster in Japanese Cine'.
{Big lady enters city, knocking over buildings, stomping on cars}
"RAAAAAHHHHHRRRR" as she siezes a gigantic bottle of NyQuil. The streets are filled with cherry -flavored syrup as she throws the bottle back and the glugging medicine flows down from her cheeks.
*STOMP* *STOMP* {crunching noise as giant bottle of Tylenol is wrenched from billboard}
[much cursing]
"Dammit. How many of these do I take?" {Monocle to eye, because monocles are so cool} {Entire city is ablaze from sun's reflection on monocle.} "RAAAAAHHHHHHRRRRR! WHY IS THE PRINT SO SMALL?!?!?"

Don't get me started on these foil-wrapped horse pills. They're so damned hard to get open I have to use scissors & I'm just waiting to pierce one by accident.

It won't end well, I know it.
posted by PlazaJen, 3:40 PM