PlazaJen: Passion Knit

Tuesday, October 12, 2004

How to be a Yarn Ho

Hi, I'm Velvet Jenns. Do you like to lay around & knit all day? Does hearing about a sale on yarn make you jump up and grab your credit cards? Well have I got the book for you. "I Wanna Be A Yarn Ho" gives you all the strategies and tips you need to be the best Yarn Ho you can be. It includes a chapter on "Hiding Your Stash" - not from the po-lice, but from the loved ones in your life who think you don't need no more yarn. Helpful ideas, like, have you ever used that space where the spare tire is hidden? No Yarn Dog sniffer is gonna find it there, nor will helpful husbands who want you to clean out yo' trunk. NObody needs to be hearin' "You don't need any more yarn!" Because it just ain't true.
We move on to a chapter on "Creative Finance", or how to get jobs in places that will get you yo' yarn at a discount. If you are not qualified, then we advise you get you a friend who will pimp you yarn at a discount. Mebbe teach some classes for some extra cheese. Another chapter's devoted to websites with all the great sales, such as - they put Cool Stuff and a whole lot of other yarn on sale today, and they offer free shipping if you spend over $30, and since I spent $106, tax-free and no charge for shipping, girrrrrrrl, I got me some yarn coming. Dat's a deal! Another tried-and-true dealer is where if you spend $500, you get a $50 credit for more of the stuff you need. Free advice: have your goods shipped to the WORK address, read the finer points in the sub-chapter "smugglin' home" and you can get your yarn into a safe cozy place and none's be the wiser. Sheeeeit.

My thanks and apologies to Eddie Murphy/Velvet Jones.

posted by PlazaJen, 12:03 PM