PlazaJen: Passion Knit

Thursday, May 26, 2005

The Various Mayors of Crazytown

I was thinking it would be fun to list, in no particular order, some of the more stellar attributes I've been privileged to see in some of my previous supervisors and bosses. Since I have worked for a LOT of insane people over the years, including all the way back to college, this probably won't fit into one post. But starting is always fun, to see just how far we can go! So, sit back, don't drink anything, because you might have to spew or drop your jaw - and cleaning keyboards can be tedious.

1. Agoraphobia. Did not ever leave her home. I called her and we went through her mail, over the phone. She would talk about playing tennis. She was wonkers.
2. Alcoholism.
3. Weeping and playing free cell for the first two months instead of working.
4. Never actually working. Would come in and then leave at some point, sometimes never to return for the day. Astounding. Did this for over 10 years and collected a check. Close to 6 figures annually, by my best guess.
5. Actually, many of them didn't work. Kept it to a minimum if they did, but one often described herself as "busier than a one-legged wallpaper man" and our favorite, "I'm dancing as fast as I can." One girl did a great Flashdance impersonation on that one.
6. Used company resources, including employees, to do research for her new business she was starting. Told the employees it was for "new business". Technically, not a lie....
7. Was in love with the head of the company, who was an alcoholic.
8. Abused recreational and prescription drugs. (Hmmmm, there's a pattern here.)
9. Had me sell her old clothes on eBay for her.
10. Made selected employees dress her, including put her pantyhose on her.
11. Removed the voicebox from her dog to eliminate that bothersome barking.
12. Put his best effort in to making prospective employees cry during the interview process. I simply became enraged and left in a huff after telling him off. I was hired the next week.
13. Left fifteen-minute voicemails stating the same thing three times. STAR SIX BABY. (the fast delete)
14. Had three dresses, exactly the same style, in three different colors - and wore each of them, every week.
15. Kept money in her bra and would reach in and hand you a (warm) $20 if you asked if it was ok to get breakfast for the department.

Now, I like my tequila every so often, and I've even put a dollar bill in my bra if I find myself combining a trip to the restroom & the coke machine & am without pockets. And I've goofed off and not worked. But so far, I think I'm doing ok by patterning my life and management approach in the opposite direction as those who walked before me.

To paraphrase some old-school XTC,
"And I may be the mayor of simpleton,
But I know one thing,
And that’s I'm not you....."
posted by PlazaJen, 6:50 AM